


It counts for something

by benkouji



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: Comforting Each Other, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Slash, can be read as gen really, like they never do, my Baybond heart just doesn’t want me to rest, spoilers from s2e3 and s2e4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benkouji/pseuds/benkouji
Summary: “You were not a fool.”“And you were loved back.”
Relationships: The Captain/Thomas Thorne
Comments: 8
Kudos: 126





	It counts for something

The Captain was the first to leave for Julian’s speech (because it was already 43 minutes late damn it!) but he was also the first to notice Thomas’ absence.

They were all gathered by the fireplace, waiting for Julian to start, eager to shake the wistful and sad feelings that Thomas’ past brought up, when the Captain looked around, checking if everyone was present out of habit, and found that Thomas hadn’t followed them.

He should’ve felt annoyed, like any good CO would do. But the lost and sorrow expression of Thomas sprung before his eyes, and he couldn’t help but feeling sorry for the guy. 

They’ve known each other for a long time. And for all the dramatic shticks and emotional bursts which Thomas displayed on a daily basis, this was the first time he was this thrown, this deeply hurt.

He thought about Havers, who died in the front line, alone and probably thinking that he was never loved either. And sighed.

Julian’s speech was not that interesting anyway.

———————————

The Captain always came prepared. He planned several approaches for all the scenarios he could’ve been in, once he went back to Thomas. He prepared for crying, for screaming, for dramatic sighing, he even prepared for POETRY. 

He didn’t anticipate this.

There were tear marks on Thomas’ face, sure. But instead of sadness, he looked heartbreakingly wrecked and defeated. He looked like he didn’t have any will left to live.

Well, so to speak.

The Captain stood by the door, suddenly lost all words. He had this abrupt urge, to say something insensitive and inappropriate, just so that Thomas would widen his comically large brown eyes, and outrageously say “damn your eyes, sir.” He would prefer that Thomas a thousand times better than this quiet and fragile version. And he didn’t want to examine the odd pain in his heart that seemed to echo the one in Thomas too closely, not just yet.

Before he could grasp his thoughts and say something, Thomas spoke. 

“The irony. It’s maddening.” He murmured, not looking at the Captain, seemingly not looking for any response. So the Captain just listened.

“I was happy for them for a while. My cousin and Lady Isabelle, when I found out they were together.” His voice shook at the “together”, but only a little. “I thought, well, at least she found a good man who loved her. And he finally had the house he once said he would like to inherit.” 

He laughed once then, bitterly but still quietly. 

“When this house became the Button House and their son came back, I was beside myself. I got to live in a place where the woman I loved and the friend I cherished created such a beautiful family and I could watch their kids and grandkids grow up for them, how nice.”

There was anger passing his eyes for a moment, there and gone.

“I thought this was the reason I never ‘moved on’, you know. Not because I didn’t get closure, but because I was willing to be here, so I could be part of that family.”

He looked up at the Captain then, eyes red, but no tears.

“Turns out I’m just like the rest of you. I’m here because deep down in my heart, I knew how pointless my death was, how much I wish things were different, how I hated this, hated that I had to end up living in this house that even its NAME is a reminder of what a big fool I was!”

He shouted towards the end, eyes burning now, but still no tears.

The Captain stepped forward, just a little, and stopped. He wanted to hug Thomas, except they didn’t do that, like ever.

“You were not a fool.” His voice sounded off, even to his own ears. He rarely said anything kind to Thomas, it felt new and raw. “You were very brave, in fact.”

Thomas was visibly startled, staring at the Captain like he didn’t expect him to speak at all, let alone nice words. But he quickly averted his eyes, and let out a humorless laugh.

“Yeah? Then how do you explain this?” He asked, while reaching into his vest, pulling out that fake letter his cousin wrote, putting it on the table. They both watched it vanish.

Then Thomas reached into his vest again, pulled out the letter, held it in front of the Captain. “How did a Not-Fool end up not only living in his Traitor and Enemy’s house forever, thinking he was BLESSED, but also carrying the fake letter that had broken his hope, taken away his lover AND his life, CLOSEST TO HIS HEART?”

The tears were finally coming, and the Captain was stepping forward again, this time not stopping, until he was standing in front of Thomas. He hesitated for a second, and put his right hand onto Thomas’s left upper arm. Awkwardly, but firmly.

“You were not a fool”, he repeated, “you were brave. You wrote your love down, you wanted to show her, even though you were afraid that her father would not approve. You tried to defend her, despite under false advisement. You trusted the wrong man, sure. But that only spoke to his deceptive and despicable nature, not your intelligent level. If anything, you were loyal, and that was not stupid, not at all.”

He was getting a little worked up, he knew. He knew it from his own harsh breathing, and from Thomas’ stunned expression. He knew it was not like him, not like them, to be this open and honest and heartfelt, but he thought about all the words he wished he had said to Havers, all the words he wished he could’ve at least admit to himself, and he couldn’t help it.

“You loved, and you fought for it. Not everybody can say that, not everybody had your gut to do what their heart told them to do. And it counted for something.”

He blinked, and surprisingly, some water fell out of his eyes. Must be sweat.

“It MUST count for something.” He said again. Feeling empty himself.

They stood in silence. Both lost anything to say. The Captain’s hand was still on Thomas’ arm. He felt it was already a little weird, putting it there that long. But he didn’t want to remove it.

Then Thomas moved, just a fraction, just enough for the Captain’s hand to slip around his shoulder, and land on his back. It was almost like a half embrace.

“He knew”, Thomas whispered, right into the Captain’s left ear. “When he turned around after he waved his goodbye, I was just there to hear him say ‘goodbye, I love you too’.”

He put his right hand on the Captain’s waist, so they were having an almost full embrace now. 

“He didn’t die thinking he was never loved. And you were loved back.”

Choking back a sob, the Captain clutched Thomas, and held on.

**Author's Note:**

> This is written for my broken heart after I watched s2e3 and s2e4 (they really don’t pull punches, do they, putting these two stories back to back😢) and also for a fellow Baybond shipper whose fantastic works have brought me many tears and joy. So if you’re reading this: thank you and love you! (And your cat 😂)


End file.
